Rethinking Japan

I love to travel. My friends and I are very big on road trips and seeing new places. We have each spent time abroad. Over the summer i went to England and Paris. While in England, I met a man in a pub who told me he taught English as a second language in several different countries. He told me how much fun it was, and how he got to see beautiful places. As he was speaking, I realized this is something I would love to do. It was everything I had wanted, I just never knew it was possible. I already had a keen interest in teaching, and traveling was my passion. I thought of exotic places to go (within reach) and things that appealed to me. Last semester I had decided on Japan and Spain. Spain, because the women are beautiful and it seems like a wonderful climate and culture to immerse myself in. I chose Japan, because as you might know I am quite the passionate movie lover; and my obsession at that time was Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola's film taking place in Tokyo. I, however am a dreamer, and that is what I do. I romanticize how I think events will manifest themselves out, and apart from that I do not have a logical cognition of things, especially in film! So I had turned the movie into this great adventure that I would love and take wonderful things from. See new places, meet new people, and breathe in the amazing culture.

Here is what I did not take into account: Lost in Translation is about the disconnection between the two American characters and a foreign land. They are not happy there at all. Their lives are filled with despondency and loneliness. The only consolement comes from the interaction between each other. From that relationship comes this statement: "Let's never come here again, because it could never be as much fun." So I realized the envy i felt was not for a location, but a feeling. This feeling is the original reason I came to write this passage.

I was in the lounge, waiting for the water to boil, when I looked out the window onto a campus frozen in snow. A blizzard of spring. And I leaned my head against the wall, as I listen to my iPod (Radiohead) because I had no one to make lunch with me. I had to fill the air with something, to keep me from realizing the imminent truth. And before the words rushed to my brain the parallel of Scarlett Johannson's character leaning against the glass coincided with mine and I felt like she felt. And i realized, Japan is not going to make that go away, it will only intensify it. I am alone at this college, because these are not my kinds of people. Because, i have shut out the right people, and put hope in the wrong one's. Because I look in all the wrong places, and blame myself for all this.

Because I am not as likable as i always thought I was. Because I incur the wrath of people, and their jealousy. That yes it is their fault they are arrogant prick's but that I have pushed them to the point of justified retribution. I have justified in their minds' maliciousness towards me, and that is no easy button to push in a normal person. These are not people like Sebastian in Cruel Intentions, these are normal kids that I have marred our friendship to the point of them loathing me.

So i do not think more loneliness in a foreign country is what I am looking for right now. Basically i need to get my gpa as high as possible, get the f out of here and go to school in Staten Island or the city.

I doubt anyone is reading this, I probably lost the few that attempted when I was ranting about incurring wrath and justified retribution; but I do not want to send the message I dislike everyone here. Because that simply is not true, and out of all my classes there are the most people I like, in 307. Come to think of it, none of you annoy me, well ONE OF YOU, but you know who you are, and you are OK sometimes, s o m e t i m e s.

My plan now is to be as close to the people who care about me as possible. Home is key, and with my closest friends, because they complete me. I have been talking to a girl I have liked for a while. We are not serious, because she is going abroad in the fall, but still it is some kind of light in an otherwise bleak cave that is Cortland. I am looking forward to this summer, being with people that love me, and forgetting about this God awful place of frozen emotions and uncouth personalities (none of you!).