I do not think we are suppose to blog like this so i will stop after this one

I have absolutely no idea what i want anymore. I use to want something, but now that thing is gone. My hunger for that has since passed, so i sit here reading the words of sinclair lewis, hoping someting comes my way, sparks my fancy. Puts that glitter in my eye. I dream of Amanda Palmer, taking me somewhere. A place that does not snow everytime you look out your windowsill, some place where it does not hurt your face to touch fresh air. I need a hobby, or a women, maybe neither. I just need to get away from this place where everyone does everything perfectly and better then me. Somewhere i can pretend the people are not dramatically smarter and more successful then me. Where i can use the excuse their parents are loaded and most of the time that satisfies as a satisfactory motive for their success. Here, no one has money and they all succeed, some work harder then i ever could and do better then me others do absolutely nothing and do better then me. I am surrounded by an unclimbable glass wall. People on the outside look at me and laugh at my feeble attempts. "He was a good athlete in high school, so that was his redeeming factor, but what does he have now? Why did he quit? To do better in school? Well that does not seem to be working" I've decided to start a 5 year plan. By the time i am 25 years old i will have created a full length motion picture. I am stumbling now, messing with very amateur ideas but that will evolve. I don't want to write anymore, thinking about creating films depresses me sometimes because of my lack of creativity.